It's finally upon us; another year of the Randy League is coming to a close. I contemplated keeping this blog open until the end of the NHL Playoffs, but Sir Fucking Randy is literally out of material to write, and he would not want to pollute this blog with nonsensical journalism.
"You could always pass over the reigns to me again," said Sitch, "and I could educate the audience with parts II through VI of Bitch-It's-Sitch!™ for --- "
Absolutely not, Sitch. One dose of your workout program was enough for a century.
"But it's in six parts! Six parts, dedicated to six individual abdomens!" cried Sitch.
"I quite enjoyed (Sitch's) program, actually," said Burgundy. "And I say this merely because it paved the way to my own piece being published on the site (see My Two Cents). Sitch and I may have differing opinions on some things, but I must commend him for being a pioneer in paving the way for select-GM's getting some opinion pieces out there."
What kind words, Burgundy, but you realize that you're complimenting a bona fide, dopamine-certified meat head, right?
As with any closing ceremony, I have a few thank you notes to dish out. Firstly, I'd like to thank Pierre McGuire for his continuous colour commentary. This blog would be a much more mundane place if he was not here.
Adds McGuire: A pleasure as always, Commissioner Randy. Good evening and goodnight, select-GM's. Until next year!
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| Outstanding work, Pierre. |
A thank you also goes to Pierre LeBrun and Bob McKenzie, who provided their colour commentary and opinions periodically throughout Tri-Hard! Glenn Healy, who was relieved from his duties about a year ago, has been hoping to return but I am reluctant to do so, at least until he puts down his damn speed gun.
A thank you also goes out to Darren Dreger, who chimed in on occasion.
Sitch isn't going to like this, but I would like to thank Perry Fire Media ---
"FUCK PERRY FIRE MEDIA!" screamed Sitch.
--- as I was saying, I would like to thank Perry Fire Media for the continued entertainment it offers to the Randy Report. Without the continued press coverage Perry Fire Media offers, we would know very little about Sitch's crunchy lifestyle. Just remember: if you ever want Sitch's attention, all you have to ask is, "Hey, wanna fuck?"
"FUCK THIS!" yelped Sitch.
A big shout-out is also owed to the many, many doppelgängers (see here, and here) out there that resemble Dick Burns. During the Thanksgiving break, the first doppelgänger was spotted (selling mobile phones) and the second was spotted weeks later fornicating with a Rubik's cube. Thank you doppelgängers for your imitations; Dick Burns is flattered and is motivated to differentiate himself even more in future.
"As long as they don't get in the way of my lady-slayer activities, I'm fine with them," said Dick Burns.
Finally, I wish to thank each and every select-GM personally:
Ron Burgundy - Thank you for your dedication to this League. Your hard work and sound intelligence has landed you a title; you're a Champion, and you'll soon be centre stage at the legendary Title Belt Presentation Ceremony. I look forward to seeing you shirtless.
Azn Sitch - Thank you for your continued competitive spirit and participation in this League. You were a target all season long, and you showed us that being chased is the sincerest form of flattery. With two titles and a wedding band on the way, you are an example of excellence, and I thank you for all that you've done.
African Lion Safari - Thank you for being the heartbeat of this League. There is never a dull moment when you are involved; you are so active, so passionate, so ferocious. And let's not forget that it was you that started the inaugural fantasy hockey season, so we are indebted to you. Always a competitor and an even better friend, I tip my hat to you.
Dick Burns - Thank you for always bringing some flare to the table. Dick, you always seem to have a new story, a new adventure or a new scandalous tid bit to share with the group. Not only are you so involved in the League, but you bring continuous entertainment, insight and of course, wise words.
Tree Bone - Thank you for participating, I guess? You seem to zoom in and out of this League, faster than a Nimbus 2000, but are always a treat to be around, especially during select-GM festivities. Good luck in the coming years; I swear, if you'd just set your bloody lines on a consistent basis you'd also participate in a shirtless Title Belt Presentation Ceremony. I'm sure all the lads would enjoy that.
Signing off, for the last time this season, is Mr. Fucking / Sir Fucking / Commissioner / Morpheus Randy. Until next year, gentlemen and lady.
