GM's Quarterly I

As you were.

Welcome to GM's Quarterly (otherwise known as Safari's favourite posts of the year). GM's Quarterly aims to provide a snapshot into the winners, losers and bruisers inside the Randy Leagues, as well as dish out awards, some of which are Academy worthy, others Grammy-esque. With that being said, dress-yourself-the-fuck-up, purse your lips to a glass of fine wine (or scotch, if you're Burgundy) and get ready for some fireworks.

GM OF THE QUARTER - SAFARI
(Honourable mention: Dick Burns)

"No. 1 bitches, no. fucking 1!" - Safari

He leads the League in total points. He leads the League in PPGP. He leads the League in most weeks at number one. (And no, this is not Pierre McGuire talking.)

Adds McGuire: But I am here, Commissioner Randy! So far this year, Safari's team looks so well constructed and balanced. And he's made some magical pick ups to assist in his success. Look at the free-agent acquisitions of Jakub Voracek (monster assists) and Patric Hornqvist (monster goals); they've been absolute monsters (monsters!) for Safari!

Most definitely, Pierre. And let's not forget about his goalies; Jonathan Quick has been admirable (currently second overall in total points earned to date) and Ryan Miller, along with the rest of Vancouver, continues to surprise the League. Who would have thought Miller would be outplaying Ben Bishop, Henrik Lundqvist and Tuukka Rask?

Safari gets the nod for GM of the Quarter, not just because he's currently sitting atop the rankings, but because he has done so consistently for the entire first quarter. He's also giving the combine results the middle finger (which had projected him finishing third).

"No. 1 bitches," said Safari. "No. fucking 1!"

Dick Burns gets the honourable mention, as he was projected to finish fourth and is hanging tough by holding onto the silver position.

BUTT-FUCKED OF THE QUARTER - TREE BONE via the Edmonton Oilers
(Honourable mentions: the Colorado Avalanche, Jian Ghomeshi)

Unhappy times for Tree Bone & Friends.

Has the apple fallen hard off the tree on Team TB? The combine results projected Tree Bone finishing fifth this season which would be a few steps back from the respectable third place finish from a year ago. Her offensive threats in Jordan Eberle and Taylor Hall have been colossal disappointments (as well as the entire Edmonton Oilers organization); great players on a shitackular team.

Adds McGuire: And her other stars have cooled off lately. Corey Perry, who was out with an injury, has amassed just 3 G and 2 A over the last month, and Patrick Marleau's hot start has trailed off. Speaking of SJ, Antti Niemi has just three wins in the last month, which is also hurting Tree Bone's point accumulations.

Honourable mentions go to the Colorado Avalanche and Jian Ghomeshi. The Avalanche, who were last year's Cinderella story, have been abysmal and look nothing like the young, fast-paced team of a year ago. The decline in the team's performance has affected select-GM's Sitch and Dick Burns, both who drafted Avalanche players in anticipation of a breakout year.

For obvious reasons, Jian Ghomeshi also gets a Butt-Fucked honourable mention (no rough sex pun intended).

"Low blow, Commissioner!" responded Ghomeshi.

BUTT-FUCKING OF THE QUARTER - RON BURGUNDY via Marc-André Fleury
(Honourable mention: Sitch via Tyler Seguin)

"Guns-a-blazin'" screamed Burgundy.

"Jeah! Jeah! Jeah Jeah Jeah!" fist-pumped Burgundy. "I'm such a big deal!"

Outside of Ryan Miller, Marc-André Fleury's year-to-date performance has been nothing short of stellar. He leads all goalies in points earned to date (107.00) and continues to reap in rewards for Team Burgundy. Backing up Pittsburgh is also easier when they score night-in and night-out, and Burgundy can thank his Crosbone for that. (FYI: the Penguins score 3.50 goals per game and their powerplay efficiency is 33.33%. Both are a League best.)

"Thank you, Crosbone. I love you," said Burgundy, sincerely.

Honourable mention goes to Sitch via Tyler Seguin, who was Sitch's second overall pick. Seguin plays on a floundering Dallas Stars team, but that hasn't stopped him from putting up great numbers; he leads the League in fantasy points (108.55 to date, ahead of second-place Crosby who has 98.90).

MEDIA DARLING OF THE QUARTER - SITCH
(Honourable mention: Dick Burns)

Hey, wanna fuck? has become a household slogan at House of Sitch, and it's almost synonymous to Sitch's patented slogan, Crunch!

"No it hasn't! No fucking way!" said Sitch in objection.

I don't bloody care, Sitch. If Commissioner Randy declares it a household slogan, it's a fucking household slogan. Got it? Anyways, Sitch's mysterious and sometimes shady past has always gotten the better of him, and in the first quarter things have stirred up again. It stirred Sitch's pot so much that he had to file a restraining order on a certain media outlet. The entertainment, antics and drama makes Sitch the Media Dearling of the Quarter.

Honourable mention goes to Dick, who apparently has many impersonators.

"I don't agree with this," said Dick Burns. "There is living proof that people out there want to be me. Isn't that better than a crazed media outlet wanting to get back in touch with Sitch?"

Not this time, Dick. Until next quarter, gentlemen and lady,

- Morpheus Randy

WK7 - Productivity Decline

Looking a bit tired, Tree Bone?

"Take that," said Safari.

African Lion Safari has regained his lead in Tri-Hard! after a one week vacation. Dick Burns, last week's leader, has fallen back to the silver position, followed by Sitch. Burgundy remains locked in fourth while Tree Bone sits in the glorified participation position (a.k.a. fifth).

"Participation position can mean so many different things," said Dick Burns. "It really depends on the situation I guess, as well as what your partner is comfortable with."

I was strictly speaking about Tri-Hard!, but good to know where you're head is at, Dick Burns. Speaking of which, sources have informed me that Dick Burns recently experienced yet another mild concussion. This is unfortunate and I, as well as the rest of the League, wish Dick Burns a swift and painless recovery.

"Thank you, Commissioner," said Dick Burns. "It is frustrating that a mild bump on the noggin can cause such a headache (pun intended). Though it is not a serious injury, I will take all the necessary precautions and hopefully the risk of it happening again will me marginal."

"Wear this!" said Pierre LeBrun.

With that said, let's take a look at this week's visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

As you can see, productivity is DOWN across the board. Safari still leads the overall standings and in PPGP, but his PPGP has declined 0.05 to 3.45 (previously 3.49). Every select-GM's PPGP is down this week, but Tree Bone has experienced the greatest decline. With a PPGP decline of 0.18 week-over-week, Tree Bone's PPGP is now 3.17 and in danger of really falling behind the pack.

"The cylinders just aren't firing," said Tree Bone. "Zetterberg, Perry, Subban... nothing is working."

And do you know what happens when things aren't working? TRADES! Mr. Fucking Randy has been so bored as of late with the lack of trade talk. Let's get something going shall we?

Aside, other notable facts from this week:

• Sitch had some massage therapy done on his wrist due to hyper-extension while pounding back a few protein shakes.
• Safari was this week's top bread earner (140.50 fantasy points).
• Dick Burns's PPGP declined the least out of all select-GMs (down only 0.03 week-over-week).
• Burgundy watched Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy while grooming his pubes.

Coming up later this week is the first instalment of GM's Quarterly. Put on your best suites and dress, gentlemen and lady. Things are about to get classy.

Next Question with African Lion Safari

The third instalment of Next Question features one of my favourite silver comrades, African Lion Safari.

"Can we please just drop the silver thing? God damn it!" roared Safari.

Safari has finished second in the last two Randy League seasons - a bridesmaid to Sitch, if you will. But this year feels rather different; Safari is putting up fantastic numbers - at a consistent rate, might I add - and 2014-2015 might finally be the year where he can hoist the crown (or wear the belt). I caught up with Safari earlier this month for some NQ&A.

Safari, salutations once again.

Well herroar to you, Commissioner Randy!

Thanks for that. How have you been?

Life's been good, Commissioner Randy. I can't really complain. I'm happily married, working full time... taking it day by day. I couldn't ask for much more, really.

And, you're currently atop the Tri-Hard! rankings.

(chuckles) Yes, that too. I must say I'm thrilled (and spooked) about that.

Spooked? How so?

You know my history better than anyone, Commissioner Randy. The "silver" moniker doesn't come about overnight. I've had many, many experiences (even before the Randy Leagues) back in my day where I would be a frontrunner to win a hockey pool, only to fall short in the final months. So yes, I'm spooked about that. I don't want history to repeat itself.

Where do you see yourself falling short, if at all? Your team looks pretty structured and stable.

Right now, yes. But blow-ups happen all the time. Earlier in the season I had some goalie luck with Kuemper, but that has since died down. Vancouver has arguably been one of the surprises of the season too, and I profited with Ryan Miller, but that could quickly change. I also have a number of other roster selections that have had great starts to the season, but the players haven't proven that this type of production can last all year. I think a dry spell could easily derail my dominance so far.

As one of the overseas select-GMs, do you feel removed from the League at all?

No, not at all Mr. Fucking Randy. I communicate regularly with Sitch and Burgs and this site keeps me updated with other things going on. I wish I could be closer, but life takes you in all sorts of twists and turns; you just gotta strap yourself in and feel the Gs!

Classic Homer "Max Power" Simpson.

Any plans to return to North American soil?

All the time. I do wish to return eventually. I'll actually be making my way to NY for a trip; I even got tickets to see Handsome Hank (a.k.a. the NYR) take on the Lightning. Takin' my ball'n'chain to see it too. Should be a grand time.

So Safari, any trade rumours going around? Seriously, don't hold back.

You know what? It's been rather quiet. I know I'm the one who usually is in the middle of trades, but this year it's been pretty still. Maybe it has to do with the fact that everyone is so close in the standings; no one really feels the drastic need to change things up. It's a testament to how skilled these select-GMs really are. The League has evolved so much in the last three years; the margin for error has been greatly diminished.

Do any of the select-GMs intimidate you?

I'm a fuckin lion, Morpheus Randy. Top of the food chain right here! So intimidation is not on my (bloody) plate. But I will say that with my keen eyes I scour the landscape closely, and there are threats everywhere. Obviously, Sitch is on my radar; he's crunching for a third title and is well in the mix for top contention. I actually sent him a message earlier this month asking why does he always have to be so damn good at fantasy hockey. But, every select-GM is a threat and I'm going to keep my head above water (which is a good thing, because felines hate H20). My armour is thick and my weapons are concealed.

Speaking of concealing things, rumour has it that you've run into some trouble with indecent exposure in the past.

Commissioner, if this is about my T-BAG ---

No, actually, it's not.

Then I don't know what you're talking about.

Sources said that your personal area was once exposed from your boxers.

... What?

You were very inebriated and passed out. You rolled over, which exposed your personal area, before your head bobbled into a garbage can.

Next question.

No comment at all?

Next Fucking Question, Mr. Fucking Randy!

Safari, far left.

I'm sure we'll revisit this again.

No, we definitely will not!

Maybe not today, but every rock shall be turned. Thanks for your time, Safari. And best of luck this year.

(cautious) Thank you, sir. 

WK6 - On the Move

Week six is now in the books. I haven't been this intrigued by League standings in quite some time; I sincerely think this year's Tri-Hard! could go down to the wire as the differences between each select-GM is marginal.

"Absolute bullshit," said Burgundy. "There is no way I'm even remotely the same as Sitch. No fucking way!"

"I agree. There's no way Burg's got any of 'dis!" said Sitch, massaging his abdomen.

I'm speaking strictly about fantasy hockey, gentlemen, not personal traits. Though I will say you both have similarities in ego. Here are the statistics, courtesy of the stats machine:

Adds McGuire: Look at that huge orange block for Team Burgundy! He was this week's top earner; he added 170.70 fantasy points this week, closely followed by Dick Burns with 165.80. Burgundy can thank Max Pacioretty and the timely pickup of Filip Forsberg for adding to his massive total. (Combined, the two brought in over 40 points for Burgundy.)

Adds McGuire: And look at that movement in the rankings! Every select-GM moved from one week ago, with Dick Burns making the biggest jump from third to first. He has ended Safari's streak of consecutive weeks at number one.

"Oh the damn silver lining," said Safari. "I'm somewhat surprised though; I thought it was going to be Sitch who would overtake me for first overall in the short-run. His team had me looking over my shoulder the last week or so."

Adds McGuire: And how great is this? Competition at it's finest? PPGP is razor thin; Safari (3.49), Sitch (3.45), Dick Burns (3.41), Burgundy (3.42) and Tree Bone (3.36) are all within striking distance of each other and it doesn't look like anyone is far ahead or well behind. It's also interesting to note that Burgundy was the only select-GM to increase his PPGP this week; he added 0.04, whereas every other select-GM's PPGP decreased. Can you say stealth? YES, I CAN!

 

Though Safari has fallen to second place, his rainbow still looks the strongest among the select-GMs. His only real struggle is producing goals, but he more than makes up for it with assists. His goaltending is also decent; good for second in the league in terms of points-per-goalie-games-played.

"What can I say?" said Safari. "Goals don't interest me much. I'm all about that 'A'."

"Oh yeah, I agree with that," said Dick Burns, licking his lips.

Wise words, Dick.

A Serious Note

I saw this earlier this morning and thought I'd share it with readers. As a die-hard Sens fan, this tasteful piece on Bryan Murray's battle with colon cancer moved me. I was actually at Canadian Tire Centre for Hockey Fights Cancer night where Bryan took part in the ceremonial face-off. The Sens lost to the Hawks 4-3 in a shootout.

If time permits, I recommend watching the piece. It is inspiring, melancholy and heartfelt.

You can watch it online via TSN here.

Live well,

- Morpheus Randy

The IR

He won't be getting any from her tonight.

Otherwise known as the Inconvenient Report, Injured Reserve... you get the picture.

Wit the season about a fifth of the way through one must expect injuries to start showing. For the last few seasons, the injury bug plagued Burgundy. (Just Google 'Crosby concussion' and you'll get a good dosage.) Sitch also encountered key injuries in Steven Stamkos and John Tavares last year, but was able to power through.

"Oh god I remember those days with the Crosbone," said Burgundy, bobbing his noggin. "The headaches I suffered from mulling over Crosby's injury were probably worse than what Crosby experienced."

Let's not go that far, Burgundy. Anyway, this year Burgundy appears to to have been more fortunate, but there are others who have not been so lucky. Let's take a look at each team and their injury status:

TREE BONE

Lately it's been a rough ride for Tree Bone (or should I say broken bone?). Zach Parise, who was having a strong start to the season, is down and out with a concussion ("I feel ya, Tree!" said Burgundy). There is no timetable for his return, which is bad news for Team TB and Minnesota; the Wild have lost three straight without him in the line-up.

"That's bad news for my Kuemper too!" said Safari.

The bad news continues for Tree Bone as her star keeper Corey Perry is also out with the mumps. Perry has missed the last four games but could return to action soon according to sources. It would be a welcome return for Tree Bone, who has dropped to fifth in the Tri-Hard! rankings.

"Oooo the kissing disease!" - Homer Simpson

"This is bullshit," said Tree Bone.

Note: Tree Bone is also without Taylor Hall (knee) and Ryan McDonagh (shoulder).

DICK BURNS

Dick Burns really lost a star in Victor Hedman, who is currently out with a hand injury. He hasn't played since mid-October. Before the injury, he was one of the top scoring defensemen in the NHL and was making Erik Karlsson look like a thing of the past. Though his progress has been promising, it is not expected that he will return until December.

RON BURGUNDY

"Crosbone is alive and well! Leading the way in points, too!" cheered a joyful Burgundy.

It's true; Crosby has been a wet dream for Burgundy and is injury free presently. But, Burgundy's team is currently without Zdeno Chara (knee) and there is no timetable for his return. Though he wasn't scoring a whole lot while he was playing, Chara is considered a stable point producer; he gets shots, hits, blocks and plays on a strong Boston squad.

"I need him," said Burgundy. "I need him like Woody needs Buzz."

"I wrote that," said I, Commissioner Randy.

AFRICAN LION SAFARI

Safari has been pretty lucky so far, but a day-to-day groin injury suffered by Pavel Datsyuk has slowed point production. Datsyuk, who was injured earlier in the season, was on a tear for a while; at one point he amassed 5 G and 3 A in the span of four games. He may be available as soon as Friday though, which may help Safari as he has dropped to second in the Tri-Hard! standings.

AZN SITCH

Sitch has escaped relatively unscathed so far in Tri-Hard! He had day-to-day injuries with Corey Crawford and Frederik Andersen, but both missed minimal time and are back in action. The only injury he carries presently is Patrick Sharp who has been out with a leg injury. It hasn't really affected his overall team performance as Sitch has been able get contributions elsewhere.

In summary, Tree Bone wins the title as "Most Unlucky Select-GM" so far with key injuries to quality point producers. But with Perry on the cusp of a return, it looks like her fortunes may soon change. Only time will tell.

Until next time, gentlemen and lady,

- the Fucking Randy

UPDATE: Looks like Safari pulled a fast one on Commissioner Randy by dropping Datsyuk earlier this morning. Thanks for making me look like a fool, Safari! I'll get you back.

WK5 - Tightening Up

It's not necessarily what African Lion Safari wants to hear, but Randy's Tri-Hard! is definitely tightening up. The League may have been wide-open and chaotic at the beginning of the season, but things have definitely narrowed.

"It's alright," commented Safari. "I'm OK with tight. And, I'm OK with still being atop the rankings."

"I'm also alright with tight," said Dick.

Glad to see we're all on the same page. Here are the charts, courtesy of the stats machine:

Given the heightened competitiveness the League has seen this week, I've enlisted the help of the Pierre's (McGuire and LeBrun) to assist in breaking down this week's action. And, at Burgundy's request, I've informed the two that a note on Crosby's performance would be welcomed.

"Jeah!" said Burgundy. "Also, I ♥ Rashida Jones!"

... We are aware. Carry on, McGuire and LeBrun.

McGuire: Thanks Commissioner Randy. Well LeBrun, it looks like the League is behaving the way we think it should.

LeBrun: Yes, definitely. We all knew that the PPGP stat noted at the beginning of the season wasn't going to last. A 4.0+ PPGP is fine and dandy, but we've just never seen this being achieved all season long from historical data. On the flip side, select-GMs who were underperforming in the PPGP stat are now catching up. What is more realistic for a League PPGP average is something between 3.2 to 3.5, and that's what we're beginning to see.

McGuire: It's a product of time. It's a product of averages. It's a product of hockey.

LeBrun: Yes. And I have to give a shout out to my number one fan, Burgundy. He was this week's top bread earner, picking up almost 130 fantasy points! And, he did this while increasing his PPGP to 3.38 (previously 3.33) so he's definitely on the upswing.

"Thanks LeBrun!" fist pumped Burgundy.

McGuire: And what a MONSTER NIGHT for Burgundy and his Crosby just a few days ago, eh LeBrun?! Five assists from Sid-the-Kid via the expense of the Buffalo Sabres! That's gotta help ignite the scotch in Burgundy's belly! Crosby's game is just so complete; trying to find a fault is like trying to find a hair on my scalp. Crosby's got such strength down low... Wow. The only thing he's having a tough time doing is growing a moustache!

LeBrun: Crosby provided a little 87 magic this week. Burgundy got a little taste, and he wants more.

McGuire: What are you expecting for the week to come?

LeBrun: One major thing - GOALS. Sitch and Safari are sitting 1-2 presently, but their shooting percentage lags the rest of the League. I find this especially odd for Sitch since I find his line-up includes prestigious snipers. I believe both select-GMs will pick up more goals either this week or next.

McGuire: We'll be sure to keep that in our minds as the week progresses. Back over to you, Commissioner!

Thanks Pierre and Pierre. Hopefully we do see more goals this week. Until next time,

- Morpheus Randy

Late Picks, Early Blossoms

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. Mr. Fucking Randy has been busy with other things unrelated to hockey. Mr. Fucking Randy has recently taken up an interest in languages and art (not to be confused with elementary school 'language arts') so there hasn't been sufficient time to post blog entries.

"Languages and art? What are you doing exactly?" asked Tree Bone.

After my trip abroad to France, I started thinking seriously about taking up French. I can get by with Mandarin (as I discovered last year when I visited the Orient) so I figured adding another piece of armour to my language shield couldn't hurt. So, at the present, I am learning français when time permits.

As for art, some may be surprised to know that Commissioner Randy used to take art classes; sketches, oil paintings etc. (And the additional sticky, sweaty nude, but that is a given.) In the last few years my days have been filled with statistical analysis, numbers and texts, a.k.a. black and white. I forgot about what colours look like for a time, so I have once again taken up recreational painting. Give it a try sometime; you'll enjoy it.

Anyway, back to Tri-Hard! We all know which players are 'no-brainer' picks ("Crosbone!" cheered Burgundy) but what about some late picks that have blossomed? There's always a Clooney hiding in the crowd. Mr. Fucking Randy has identified three candidates; here they are:

Clooney, then and now. Amazing.

1. MARK GIORDANO, D [CGY] - PICKED BY DICK BURNS, ROUND 15

I'll be honest; when Dick Burns selected Giordano I actually didn't know who Giordano was. Then, when I looked him up, I realized he was captain of the Calgary Flames. It still didn't ring a bell with me. Just shows you how little I know about the League. Regardless, Dick Burns has really picked a winner with this late selection; Giordano leads all defensemen with 62.70 fantasy points (to give you a reference point, Erik Karlsson is just under 40.00 fantasy points and Shea Weber has clocked in 44.20 fantasy points).

"This is precisely why I picked him," said Dick Burns.

2. TYLER TOFFOLI, RW [LA] - PICKED BY SAFARI, ROUND 13 (CURRENTLY OWNED BY BURGUNDY)

Another selection that turned a few heads during the draft was Toffoli. Even as he was selected, Safari commented that the selection was "a bit premature, a bit of a mistake" but then added that Toffoli was "going to kill it this year." Some were skeptical about the selection, including Safari himself. Toffoli was later dropped by Safari, only to be picked up by Burgundy shortly after. The pick-up has been a great addition for Burgundy, as Toffoli has picked up 3G, 4A, and a handful of special teams points.

"I have nightmares about this," said Safari. "I should have just stayed with my gut."

"He's saying 'Jeah!'" said Burgundy.

3. PEKKA RINNE, G [NSH] - PICKED BY SITCH, ROUND 11

What more can you say about Rinne? He's outperforming most goalies in every stats category and is third overall in fantasy points by a tender (67.25). Under coach Peter Laviolette, Nashville appears to be getting more offense and goal support which historically has been unheard of for the Predators. If the current trend continues, Rinne could challenge for being the top goalie in the League this year.

"I'm thrilled with this selection," said Sitch. "Not just for the points, but for the bedroom eyes..."

Whatever floats your boat, Sitch.

"Seriously, can you please, PLEASE do a post on how awesome Crosbone is?" asked Burgundy. "Why must a world-class player be deprived of reporting just because it's already known how awesome he is? It's unfair!"

Sorry Burgs; it's just not my style. Maybe I'll contract this out to someone. Like a McGuire or something.

"I'd be okay with that!" said Burgs.

Until next time, gentlemen and lady.

- the Fucking Randy

WK4 - Rounding Out

You can call it anything you like; rounding out, law of averages, statistical distribution, probability...

"How about 'ebbs and flows'?" suggested a certified-MPA Burgundy.

Yes, that would be sufficient as well. Ebbs and flows, bitches. Ebbs and flows. Randy's Tri-Hard! is one month into competition and the early season anomalies seem to have alleviated themselves. Crosby is no longer on pace for a 200+ point season ("Eff!" shouted Burgundy), Kuemper isn't getting a shutout every other night ("Ludicrous!" shouted Safari) and Dick Burns hasn't been seen by the public eye (excluding doppelgängers) for quite some time ("No comment," SOS'd Dick Burns). Yup, things in Tri-Hard! are starting to round out all right.

Ah yes, the ebb and flow factor.

"Perhaps, but I see I am still on top," said Safari. "That's somewhat of an anomaly as I usually place second."

Very true. Safari is once again at the top of the leader board (three weeks consecutive, might I add) and is leading the way in total points and PPGP. Here are the visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

Adds McGuire: See that PPGP chart? That's fascinating! At the beginning of the season we were seeing incredible fluctuations from 2.90 PPGP to 4.50 PPGP across the board. Now the competition is narrowing the breadth; it's setting up to be a close competition this year, Commissioner Randy!

Indeed, Pierre. But some select-GMs are already preparing for the end result. I don't have any problem with visualizing victory; I just caution all select-GMs to be realistic with their expectations. Each and every Randy League is no easy victory, and many things can happen that can cost you the crown. That being said, one particular select-GM has already practiced an acceptance speech as well as a title belt pose. This was captured from an inside source who wishes to remain nameless for fear of getting turned into a meal.

"Too soon?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" said Tree Bone. "Safari, I'm going to kiss your ass all the way to Ramsbottom!"

Adds McGuire: FYI, there is actually a place in London called Ramsbottom.

"Oh that's it," said Burgundy. "I'm ---  I'm just so --- what is the word? Fuck, what is the word. PromptApp tell me what the fuck the word is... ANGRY!"

"Hey guys, what'd I miss?" said Sitch, towel around his waste. "Sorry, just got back from werkin' my tri's. What the --- who took that picture? Who... who is that? Aw fuck brah are you shitting me?! Now it's on bitch! Now it's on!"

Until next time, gentlemen and lady.

- the Fucking Randy