WK22 - How Does My Ass Look?

"Y'all lookin' at my ass, right?"

It's easy getting used to leading the pack.

For 11 weeks, Sitch's chiselled ass was at the forefront, leading the way and being chased by the herd. Sitch was focused and determined, but that didn't stop him from gloating, boasting and throwing in the occasional unnecessary squat or twerk just to piss off his fellow select-GMs.

"I couldn't help it," said Sitch. "When you're out in front for such a long time, you just want to torture those who are behind you. They're chasing you but you're getting away. Why not shake your bootie a little, right?"

But now with Burgundy at the reigns, it's time for Randy's Tri-Hard! participants to be tortured by the view of another ass. A pompous Burgundy definitely rivals a chiselled Sitch.

"You guys can chase all you want," said Burgundy, nonchalantly. "I've got all the tools to dethrone this butt-fucked Sitch, as well as the rest of you. My pedigree, my MPA intelligence and my manly facial hair are too much for you (below) Average Joe's (and Josette's).

"Staches are for fuckin' men."

Let's take a look at the visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

Adds McGuire: A pretty productive week, for the most part. With the exception of Dick Burns, all select-GM's managed to earn triple digit point accumulations this week; Tree Bone came out on top with 153.45 fantasy points. She can thank Henrik Zetterberg (1 G, 5 A) and Tuukka Rask (3 W, 5 GA, 1 SHO) for being in top form. Tuukka Rask - what a monster!

Adds McGuire: The bodacious Burgundy strikes again - two weeks in a row! He's loving the SC87 magic stick! With 2 G and 3 A this week, the Crosbone helped Burgundy stay on top. The media has been littered with various headlines this year, from the Evander Kane and Nazem Kadri distractions to the Ovechkin/Price/Tavares MVP debate, but little has been said on Crosby, who has had a good (albeit quiet) season. The Crosbone has been good and consistent for Team Burgundy, and it looks like SC87 is saving his best for the end of the season. What a monster!

Adds McGuire: Sitch's once powerful PPGP is now within reach. He still leads the League with a 3.51 PPGP, but that's only marginally ahead of next-best Dick Burns, who sports a 3.48. Burgundy is hanging steady at 3.46, while Safari clocks in at 3.21 and Tree Bone sports a 3.12.

Adds McGuire: Not much has changed in the rainbow, but if I look at the player numbers a bit closer, it does have a slight story behind it. In the last few weeks, Burgundy has been able to maintain a relatively steady PPGP for his players, whereas all other select-GMs have seen decreases. Looks like the players Burgundy has been putting on the ice are consistently putting up the same numbers, which cannot be said for all select-GM rosters.

I've diced these stats from hundreds of different angles. After I considered all perspectives, I have this to say: it's going to be one fucking close race. With Burgundy and Sitch neck and neck, a good showing on one night can completely change the look of each team. Sitch has about 20 games in hand as well and is overdue for a good week ever since being plagued by injuries, so my guess is that a tighter Tri-Hard! is just around the corner. Safari, in terms of total points, is not far behind either; a good week from him and it'll suddenly be a three-legged race.

"Don't waste your time, gents," said Burgundy. "You're in tough shit."

Until next time, gentlemen and lady.