Safari: No Worries, Bitches!

You gotta love the attitude Safari is putting forth this season. After last week's stats report showed the competition gaining ground on him, what did he do?

"I fucking lived life to the max, bitches!" screamed Safari.

"I'm sorry I'm awesome."

That he sure did. It's a refreshing and welcoming change of attitude, I must say. The previous two seasons were led and eventually won by Azn Sitch, and he was ever the aggressive worrier (not to be confused with warrior) and ponderer-extraordinaire; it's what made him a Champion, but it also made him such a headache to talk to.

"... I hate you, Commissioner Randy. I hate you!" screeched Sitch.

A similar personality trait can be seen in Burgundy, who also has FOCD (Fantasy Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

"I'm FOCD in the head," said Burgundy.

Like I was saying, after last week's stats report publishing, it was reported that Safari was seen "living life to the max" on North American soil, trotting around with his beauty queen in NYC, not giving a fuck about the standings or the League in general. Coming out of his private jet, with a chilled Red Bull and mad stacks of cash, he purchased tickets to the Rangers game (against the Tampa Bay Lightning), only to cast them aside to attend some live performances at Times Square (featuring Kanye West and company).

"Woah, hold on Commissioner," said Safari. "I did go to Times Square - which was unreal, by the way - but I did catch the last bit of that game too. So I didn't completely cast those tickets aside!"

Well alright, Safari. Those tickets weren't a complete waste then. Even still, having the balls and authority to say Fuck those tickets! We goin' to see Kanye! is pretty baller. Shocking, really.

"I must admit I was a little shocked myself. I couldn't believe what happened. Like, before I went to bed I was just like, 'No way this happened,'" said Safari.

"Hmmm, sounds like prom night," chimed in Dick.

Wise words, Dick.