WK17 - Fuck All the Bitchez

Prison Mike says some nasty things!

Yikes! What vulgarity! Where did this all come from?

Well, I'll tell you. On top of my regular reporting duties, Commissioner Randy also needs to provide governance, oversight and general due diligence inside the Randy Leagues; this includes regular spot checks, review and random testing to ensure things are running as they should (or at least to the best of their abilities). I was doing my spot check last week and noticed that Dick Burns had updated his team slogan to "Fuck All the Bitchez"; profanity at its finest, eh?

"Sorry about that," said Dick Burns. "That wasn't me. I must have left my computer on one night when a lady friend was over. She must have hopped on and saw my fantasy control panel, wrote that slogan in, and updated my profile."

Oh Dick; you and your crazy ladies. Where would we be without your stories?

In other news, WK17 has officially wrapped up. Let's take a look at the visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

"Great Odin's raven! Look at my points added this week! Jeah!" cheered Burugndy.

Burgundy was this week's top bread winner, taking in 179.25 fantasy points. He can thank Marc-André Fleury, who posted two shutouts this week, while Rick Nash (4 G, 1 A) and Max Pacioretty (1 A, 4 A) also turned in strong weeks. It's the first time in five weeks that Burgundy has been crowned top bread winner.

Sitch still leads the League overall, and there haven't been any changes in the standings. He's been atop the rankings now for eight consecutive weeks.

Sitch still leads PPGP at 3.68 (down from 3.71 a week ago), but the big winner this week is Burgundy (again!) who increased his PPGP to 3.37 (previously 3.34). Dick Burns was also able to increase his PPGP slightly to 3.44 (previously 3.43), good for second overall in the League.

While the rainbow might look the same week-over-week, small strides are being made left, right and centre. Burgundy is now outscoring Sitch, averaging 0.31 goals/game played. In addition, Dick's goalies are catching up to Sitch; Dick now averages 5.51 PPGP for goalies while Sitch averages 5.56. It's getting close, don't you think?

"Oh gawd! Can't have any of this shit!" said Sitch, scooping a cup full of rice into his rice cooker. "Time to carbo-load!"

Carbo-load!

Adds McGuire: Dick Burns has a shot at catching up, no question. But the big asterisk is whether he has enough time to do it. He's played a League-low 75 goalie games (about 20 games below the League average) and the season is almost three quarters completed. Sure, his rainbow is working magic right now, but can he catch up on the games played and book the points? Holtby, Price and Varlamov have all been good the past few weeks, but I think he may need to pick up another tender if he wants to bank the games. And, should one of his goalies get hurt, it could spell trouble!

So, is it too late for Dick Burns?

"You guys always think I'm going to be late," said Dick Burns. "When are you ever going to learn? Dick Burns is late, until he shows up ON TIME. God, I hate so much about the things you choose to believe..."

Wise words, Dick.

One of the BEST lines in the Office, EVER.