Jack of All

We are just moments away from Easter Long Weekend. Rumour has it that some select-GMs will be in the same O-town vicinity again, while others are travelling out and about. While it may not be an all inclusive pow-wow like the one in February, there are sure to be some fireworks and excitement.

Speaking of fireworks and excitement, sources confirmed with me the other day that Burgundy found himself in Las Vegas a few weeks ago.

"I'm surprised Burgundy even knew where Las Vegas was," said Dick Burns.

Even with his MPA status and white-collar bank account, Burgundy opted to hop on a plane to Las Vegas with an unidentified IBMer who had discount airfare, or extra airmiles... or something. Anyway, the point is, the Burgas was in Las Vegas, dancing the strip away like a discount diva (via discount airfare) while throwing white-collar bills like he didn't give a fuck. A jack of all trades, Burgundy is.

"I saw things that could only be seen in Las Vegas," said Burgundy, eyes wide with spunk.

Not as good as Bridesmaids, but still pretty fucking good.

Burgundy, a master of Blackjack, was seen table hopping around casino floors, dummying the House and filling his Eddie Bauer cotton-lined pockets with chips. While a final chip count could not be conducted, it is said that Burgundy came out just fine.

"Except at one table," said Burgundy, with a grudge. "I won't name the casino as I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but fuck that was stupid."

I've heard rumours about these gambling maniac select-GMs before; back in their high school days, before the Randy Leagues even existed, they were apparently avid gamblers, sinning to biblical proportions and not having a care in the world. These degenerate select-GMs would toss quarters at plastic horses (Max A Hero was a fan favourite) and bet their DQ hourly wage on a Sicbo roll. Cowards, cowards, cowards!

"C'mon, Randy, we were young!" said Safari. "Gotta live a little, no?!"

Perhaps, my dear lion Safari, perhaps. I forget how old I am sometimes. I shouldn't be that hard on you childish clowns. Anyway, I'm hoping that this weekend's festivities will bring some additional newsworthy stories to Tri-Hard! It's been quiet around here. I've been able to squeeze in 3 daily blowies from my receptionists for about two weeks straight now; this type of streak is almost unheard of as I'm usually busy typing away and reporting.

"Only three? You're below my average," said Dick Burns.

Wise words, Dick.