Insider Trading with the Panel

I hate doing this, but I had to.

"Do what exactly, Mr. Fucking Randy?" asked Sitch, protein bar in hand.

I had to outsource some of my reporting. With all the news that has poured in since the holiday break, I've got my finger tips in a panic, tapping my keyboard faster than Stevie Wonder himself. I've got a handful of other reports on the go all waiting to published, so I figure it's best that I continue working on them and hand off trade analytics to the pros. Gentlemen and lady, I give you the TSN panel, consisting of girth-tongued Bob McKenzie, CBC-traitor Pierre LeBrun and, of course, the-ever-so-monstrous Pierre McGuire. Here. We. Go!

#DatHairDoe

THE POPPED-CHERRY TRADE

Datsyuk traded to Dick Burns

Kopitar traded to African Lion Safari

Adds McGuire: Woo! The popped-cherry trade! It's great to have the first trade completed for the year! Given that Kopitar had been underperforming leading up to the trade, I'm going to give the edge to African Lion Safari; he bought Kopitar low, and I think the law of averages will pan out. And, he didn't give up much (Datsyuk was picked up as a free agent). Kopitar will regain his scoring touch and have a strong second half. He's also playing on a strong Los Angeles team; this is a no brainer!

Adds LeBrun: I'll respectfully disagree, McGuire. Datsyuk is one of the hardest players to play against, not to mention one of the most gifted and skilled. He's showing that age isn't a factor this season as he continues to score consistently while defending well. Players have their off years, and Kopitar may be having one. Dick Burns cut the fat and added some man meat. I say Dick got the better deal.

Adds McKenzie: Boy-oh-boy I guess I get the final vote. Personally, I have to go with Gretzky, who said that Kopitar is right behind Toews and Crosby. Datsyuk is older and plays on a weaker team; therefore, I think the scoring potential for Kopitar is higher. I say Safari gets the win, especially since he acquired Kopitar in exchange for a free agent pick up.

Winner: Safari (2-1)

Yup, Safari wins.

THE DENNY'S SAMPLER TRADE

The broccoli was a nice touch.

Just a FYI, for those curious.

Okposo, Holtby and Round 3 draft pick traded to Dick Burns

Burns and Round 5 pick traded to Ron Burgundy

Adds McGuire: Should we even be surprised? Dick Burns LOVES blockbuster deals. This one may have not included high-profile players like the previous trade, but it's pretty heavy (like a Denny's Sampler) nonetheless. For me, the players involved in the trade were pretty fair. The major get is the third round draft pick by Dick Burns. That's a monster steal in my opinion!

Adds LeBrun: I agree. Okposo's output is similar to Burns and Holtby provides some much needed goalie support for Team DB. Plus, Dick gets a third round pick next year. Advantage: Dick.

Adds McKenzie: Boy-oh-boy what a trade! I'm going to complete the sweep and say Dick got the better deal, though I do think that Burgundy got some added flexibility here. These two teams have slightly different motives; Dick may have 'rebuild' in mind even though he's still very much in the race, but Burgundy is definitely chasing for top spot. Burgundy gets a versatile Burns who can play either forward or defense and has been a solid point getter. Plus, he lightens his roster size so he can potentially add more players later. Dick wins, but the strategy Burgundy executed is sound.

Winner: Dick Burns (3-0)

Thank you Panel. Until next time, gentlemen and lady,

- Mr. Fucking Randy