BREAKING: Another DB Doppelgänger Spotted!

Earlier this month I was informed by sources (Sitch, Burgs) that there was an apparent Dick Burns doppelgänger running about in Ottawa. Dick Burns was notified and quickly filed a report to local authorities. The doppelgänger was neutralized. The police interrogated the doppelgänger in Ottawa; he admitted to imitating Sir Dickery Burns for the purposes of benefiting his date life.

"It was a good strategy," said Dick Burns. "But the end result would have been millions upon millions of broken hearts. That would have been unfair."

The whole doppelgänger issue was thought to have been over, and select-GMs were able to laugh about the matter once it was assumed closed. However, Dick Burns is getting caught up once again in the media. And yes, it involves yet ANOTHER DOPPELGÄNGER.

"Are you fucking serious?!" asked Tree Bone.

Yes, Mr. Fucking Randy is serious. East coast sources tell me that a few days ago another Dick Burns doppelgänger was spotted at a local pub. Eye-witnesses were able to snap this photo (see below): 

Once again, this is NOT Dick Burns.

"Is he curling a Rubik's cube?" asked Sitch.

It appears to be a Rubik's cube, but I don't think he's trying to curl it. Sitch, just because a person has something in their hand doesn't mean they are trying to work out with it.

"I don't get it... why pick it up then??" asked Sitch.

"I can't believe this," said Dick Burns. "I need to talk to Dick Burns, Sr."

A good call, Dick Burns. Given that Dick Burns is sexually gifted, it is plausible that Dick Burns, Sr. was also quite the mac daddy. Dick Burns, Sr. may have passed along those talents to Dick Burns himself. Maybe before settling down, Dick Burns, Sr. played the field and as a result left some seeds in the soil.

In the meantime, Dick Burns is setting up a doppelgänger hotline for public use. If any more are spotted, Dick Burns urges the public to use the resource. The hotline is 1-800-DPL-GNGR.

"Please assist me in the fight against identity theft," said Dick Burns.

Until next time,

- the Fucking Randy