Triple Threat Causes Workout Overdose

Here at Tri-Hard! Central, the most important opinion that matters comes from Commissioner Randy (obviously). Few analysts, journalists etc. hold a candle to Sir Fucking Randy's remarks, right? Even so, I welcome the input of third party sources; I've done this many times with the likes of McGuire, LeBrun (at the request of Burgundy) and more.

"What about that time you hired Glenn Healy?" asked Tree Bone, with a smirk.

That was a mistake, and I regret that decision every single day. Thank you for bringing it up though, Tree Bone. It's been noted (evil grin).

But why do I bring this up? Well, NHL.com released last week's three stars and one particular select-GM was thrilled with the publishing. So thrilled, in fact, that said select-GM became an uncontrolled fitness maniac, according to inside sources.

Unconfirmed photo of Sitch at his home residence.

"Hazzz! Look at that ffffform! FFFFFFenomenal!" said Sitch, spit spewing out between his buck teeth.

I can understand Sitch's optimism. All three stars as listed on NHL.com's weekly selection were on Sitch's team (Seguin, Andersen and Stamkos). Apparently, Sitch took a screen shot of his Tri-Hard! roster update page (seen below) and stuck it on his GoodLyfe Body Centre wall and began working out like a mad-fuck.

"Jeah, mos-def did that!" confirmed Sitch. "I was so doped, so hyped, so high! Couldn't get enough of the endorphins that were released once I started doing my crunches. I had the screenshot copied and painted onto the ceiling of GoodLyfe so I could see it when I crunch on the floor. It's like the Sistine Chapel, brah! But NEVER, NEVER did I cheat! Don't cheat! Keep werkin' hard and squat on!"

Sources indicated that Sitch was so excited about the news that he went on a 36 hour workout binge, crunching in excess of 3,000 abdominal reps and squatting until his ass cheeks bled. He consumed over 1,500 grams of protein, ten times the daily recommendation. Sitch was admitted to hospital for overdosing on protein, as well as treated for workout exhaustion. He was released earlier today.

Even with the triple threat of Seguin, Andersen and Stamkos, the League still belongs to Safari, who has a slight edge in points over Sitch (he currently leads the League with 298.65 points, followed by Sitch with 292.80 points). Though the point gap is small, Safari has eight games in hand on Sitch and boasts a League-best 4.27 PPGP compared to Sitch's 3.75.

"We talking PPGP, or my big fat P?" asked Safari.

"PPGP only," said Dick. "There's no way you'd have a League-best big fat P at only 4.27."

The dicks are out and fully swinging. Until next time, gentlemen and lady.

- the Fucking Randy