BREAKING: Identity Theft Is Not A Joke!

The Office (US) - Product Recall (S3, E20)

Rarely is Dick Burns caught up in media frenzies; the calm, collected dick-burned select-GM is ever so wise and keeps his private life under wraps. The media circus is usually dominated by those with a weaker personal filter and IQ (see Burgundy, Sitch).

"Oh come on now! I went on record saying I immediately regretted that decision!" said Burgundy, referring to his indecent exposure charge back in September 2013. "I just love Rashida Jones! Can you blame me? FUCK!"

"And my instances are due to my healthy body plans!" replied Sitch, referring to his multiple readmissions to the hospital for carbo-loading. "They are a part of any healthy diet; it's a meat-head medical condition!"

Well, what about the other juicy stories that have surfaced recently, Sitch? i.e. the restraining order against a particular media outlet?

"... CRUNCH YOU!"

Breathe a sigh of relief, both of you, because this time around, it is Dick Burns who has made headlines. And, both of you are witnesses to this event.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, Sitch and Burgs were spotted at a metropolitan shopping outlet ("Let's go shopping!" shrieked Burgundy) when something caught their attention. A tall, relaxed figure appeared before them. Sitch and Burgs, who had been chatting like hens, stopped mid-sentence and stared at the figure in awe.

"Is that..." said both, in unison.

With his fast-reflexes ("Due to years of training!" said Sitch), a photo was snapped of the figure.

Believe it or not, this is NOT Dick Burns.

"OH MY GOD!" commented Dick Burns upon viewing the photo.

That's right folks; it Dick Burns has a doppelgänger, who sells mobile phones, apparently.

"Well, I won't go as far as saying he's my exact carbon copy," said Dick Burns. "All you'd have to do is pull down his trousers and you'd find the differences."

True, but I'd probably get arrested for that. Sounds a bit like indecent exposure. That sounds like something Burg --- 

"I said I regretted that decision! Don't bring this up again!" said Burgundy, in tears.

Anyway, Dick Burns filed a report to police and his doppelgänger has since been neutralized.

"I must say the police acted quickly," said Dick Burns. "Perhaps a little too quickly. I would have liked to see my double for myself. I imagine flirting with him would have been just lovely."

Wise words, Dick.