WK2 - A Taste of Gold

Apologies for being a day late on the stats report. Mr. Fucking Randy had some weekend meetings and errands to attend to; PR (Pussy Romp) events et al.

Well, well, well... look who is sitting atop the rankings this week. Is this a sign of things to come? A changing of the guards?

"I sure as hell hope so," said an encouraged, yet cautious Safari.

Taste good, don't it?

After years of being a bridesmaid (and never the bride), Safari has taken over the League standings, leaping over Dick Burns during week two of competition. Safari can thank the likes of Jamie Benn, Alex Ovechkin and Jonathan Quick for turning in strong weeks. Safari is the first select-GM to reach the quarter-millennium mark; he's booked just over 250 fantasy points in two weeks.

Here are the visuals, courtesy of the stats machine:

"Look at all them green!" said Safari, referring to the rainbow (above).

'Tis a mighty fine rainbow you got there indeed, Safari. He's above league averages in every single category. I'm not sure if that's ever been accomplished before in the Randy Leagues. He's also pulling a Dick Burns via Randy's V, a.k.a. Safari is absolutely dummying the goalie statistics. Conversely, Dick Burns is struggling the most in goalie stats, a rare instance for the select-GM.

"One of my top picks, Varlamov, is now on IR," said Dick Burns. "No surprises with the resulting impact on my rainbow."

Adds McGuire: The League is so incredibly close! I love it! Teams are switching positions faster than Lindsay Lohan!

"Ebbs and flows, people. Ebbs. And. Flows," said Burgundy, clenching his moustache comb. "Tavares is the tits. Crosby is the Crosbone. Together, it's going to be a titty-fuck you cannot even imagine. Come January when both are in mid-season form, I'll be dominating all you butt-futters!"

... Wow. I feel sticky, do you?

"Rinse and repeat," said Dick Burns. "It has never failed me."

Wise words, Dick.